October 2017

25

Oct'17

Songs for each enneagram type

There are several songs that are emblematic of each enneagram type. They are amusing to hear, and I often use type-based music in enneagram trainings to give people a different sense of each type. Here are the ones I use most often, including some key lyrics. When played with the melody, they are even more illuminating than the words alone. One | Maybe You’re Right (Cat Stevens) Now maybe you're right and maybe you're wrong But I ain't gonna argue with you no more I've done it for too long. Two | Getting to Know You (Julie Andrews) Getting to know you Getting to know all about you Getting to like you Getting to hope you like me Three | Nobody Does It Better (Carly Simon) Nobody does it better Makes me feel sad for the rest Nobody does it half as good as you Baby, you're the best Four | Yesterday (The Beatles) Oh yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away Now I need a place to hide away Oh I believe in yesterday Five | You Don’t Know Me (Ray Charles) You give your hand to me And then you say hello And I can hardly speak My heart is beating so And anyone can tell You think you know me well But you don't know me (no you don't know me) Six | Maybe I’m Doing It Wrong (Randy Newman) Maybe I'm doing it wrong Maybe I'm doing it wrong It just don't move me The way that it should Maybe I'm doing it wrong Seven | Don’t Worry, Be Happy (Bobby McFerrin) Here's a little song I wrote You might want to sing it note for note Don't worry, be happy In every life we have some trouble But when you worry you make it double Don't worry, be happy Don't worry, be happy now Eight | Steamroller (James Taylor) Well, I'm a steamroller, baby I'm bound to roll all over you Yes, I'm a steamroller, baby I'm bound to roll all over you Nine | Sitting by the Dock of the Bay (Otis Redding) Sittin' in the mornin' sun I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come Watching the ships roll in And then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay Watching the tide roll away Ooo, I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay Wastin' time Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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18

Oct'17

The 3 triangles | 9-3-6 | 1-4-7 | 2-5-8

When I was at the 2017 IEA (International Enneagram Association) conference in Helsinki this September, both as a presenter and an attendee, a session that got my attention was led by Viviana Trucco, a psychologist from Argentina. Viviana works with her clients in intricate ways, including elaborate assessment and mapping on multiple Enneagram dimensions. The part of her presentation that truly ignited some new thinking on my part was an exercise she led by placing us in groups based on the 3 triangles: | 9-3-6 | 1-4-7 | 2-5-8. Although there are many ways to understand these triangle formations, and I am pursuing these in many forms, Viviana had a very interesting take on them and so I share them here, followed by some comments directly from Viviana. She labels these 3 triangles the "unconscious emotional backgrounds" that align with the 3 enneatype groupings. 9-3-6 | unconscious emotional background | attachment challenges | the robotic or habitual ego Summary | These 3 types rely on their habitual ways of functioning, ways that block them from full access to their body, heart and/or mind. For the body (most obvious in type 9): an awakened body stability. For the heart (most obvious in type 3): a truly open heart. For the mind (most obvious in type 6): a self-confident, still mind. Type 9 | Needing familiar environments, relationships and comfort, as well as routines and a sense of wellness to return them a profound “sense of self”. Type 3 | Needing to impact people through promoting a positive impression of themselves to provide a profound “sense of identity”. Type 6 | Searching for something to rely on in a permanent way to feel safe – for example, constantly downloading information, looking to others for guidance, and/or creating continuous anticipatory scenarios – to provide a profound “sense of direction, guidance and support”. 1-4-7 | unconscious emotional background | frustration challenges | the hungry ego Summary | These 3 types are constantly searching for fulfillment, are continuously disenchanted, and feel that nothing is ever enough to fully satisfy them. Type 1 | Experiencing continuous disappointment from expecting situations and people to meet specific standards, but then nothing works as it should and they always have to be the person to fix it. Type 4 | Longing for something that might have been perfect once, but then missing it and longing for it once again. Type 7 | Continuously believing something will be great, but then needing to quit or stop due to lack of stimulation and full satisfaction. 2-5-8 | unconscious emotional background | rejection challenges | the overcompensated/defended ego Summary | Protecting by not showing all of oneself, not trusting others, and engaging in overcompensating behavior, believing others may reject them if they do reveal themselves more fully and without the overcompensating behavior. Type 2 | Protecting by focusing on others and acting as if they have no needs and overcompensating by showing care and offering assistance and resources to others. Type 5 | Protecting by minimizing own needs, limiting others’ dependence on them, and keeping distance from others and overcompensating by demonstrating their intellectuality and maintaining their autonomy. Type 8 | Protecting by acting powerful enough to protect others while simultaneously hiding their own vulnerabilities and overcompensating by being strong, dominant and invulnerable. From Viviana herself: "What was remarkable about this was the insights from the conversations we had in these mixed type groups, organized by our triangles. Although I imagine a type group discussion would have been productive, these triangle dialogues were an incredible way to understand the 3 versions of the same fundamental challenges." Viviana Trucco is an Enneagram teacher and psychologist from Argentina who has also created the TEGMI 9D Model, an online Enneagram assessment that includes 9 personalized colored maps of the 9 dimensions of your personality. viviana.trucco@gmail.com | www.vivianatrucco.com.ar

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11

Oct'17

Everything I know about facilitation I could have learned from my cat

My wonderful and lovely cat, Gunter, is a terrific teacher, and upon reflection about how she has taught me to be with her, I realized that she knows just about everything. A wise soul, she is an Enneagram 7, a social subtype with a secondary self-preservation instinct. Her breed is main coon, and they are known for being super smart, more dog-like than cat-like, with high sociability. She is all of this and more. And this is what she has taught me about facilitation: You can never have enough variety With Gunter, she loves her food (only the best quality), but she also needs variety. Just like a self-preservation subtype 7 (her secondary subtype), she loves to make deals regarding food and greenies; greenies are her special kitty treats. After her monthly groomings, Gunter gets rewarded with her favorite wet food. By scratching on her scratching post and not the furniture, she gets her greenie. Gunter loves the known, but she loves the unknown even more. Offer her a sliver of salmon and she’s in heaven, but only for a moment. Groups are like this, too. Food really matters; healthy, interesting, and enough variety to break up the days and create a comforting environment for supportive interactions. And never the same food every day, just to keep people surprised and curious. In addition, a variety of activities – not just lecture, not just repeated type group discussions – makes Enneagram programs come alive and keeps participants alert and engaged. The same is true for coaching. Use activities that stimulate the right brain as well as the left brain. Allow time for silent reflection. Use movement and somatics if you can. Never underestimate your audience Gunter is extremely clever, able to train us most of the time to get what she wants and needs. If we treat her like a regular cat, she gets offended and, as a result, more demanding of attention. Her mind moves quickly, often quicker than those of us who take care of her, so she keeps us on our toes. Sounds like a classic type 7. With groups, and this is sometimes hard to gauge in advance, they do not like being taught that which they already know. People find this boring at a minimum, but it can also feel condescending or patronizing. No one likes that. Consequently, it is important for trainers and coaches to know in advance, if possible, what clients already know and then what you provide using that information as the starting place. And if you don’t know in advance, pay attention as you work with your clients and be able to adjust up as needed. Be clever when needed Some things are hard for Gunter, and these things can often take us by surprise. And we can’t really know this in advance. While she is very agile, she does not, in any way, like being told what to do, even if implicitly. Like the good 7 that she is, she is very quick and clever, but some things are harder for her and she gets resistant when she feels forced in any way to do something. For example, we bought her a beautiful ceramic water dish that spills out continuous filtered water. Gunter loves to drink from the regular faucet, so we knew she would love this new addition. However, we had also learned from experience that if she knew we expected her to love it and use it, she would not do so. As a result, we set it up in the kitchen and then totally ignored her new gift; not watching her, no comments about her, nothing. The result: Gunther used her new water dish after five minutes and now adores it. I have learned with groups to understate the impact of activities. I do not say to them, for example, “This is a wonderful activity that goes very deep,” or “I think you will really enjoy this activity.” Participants have shared that when I say what they will experience, they silently resent me telling them what they will enjoy, find exciting, etc. They say that when I state that I expect something as an outcome, they are skeptical of this and often resist the experience, at least to some degree. Participants want to have their own experience! So when I understate an outcome of an activity or state an outcome in neutral terms, the participant enthusiasm accelerates and is greeted with far more openness. Allow maximum freedom but set and maintain limits Gunter likes her freedom, as in “no one has the right to limit me!” even if she has done something before – for example, getting supervised “outside” time with her best friend, Ella, a dog. Gunter would love to do this as often as possible and wants to do everything Ella does. But cats are not dogs (much to Gunter’s surprise and dismay), and Gunter, unsupervised is adorable but mischievous and would scamper quickly up a tree if she could. We give her 3 times for “rule violations,” and then she must come inside. She doesn't like this but does accept that it is for her own safety. And she gets over it quickly, distracting herself with something interesting, as the 7 that she is. Groups also like a sense of freedom and don’t like being highly supervised or being told what to do. It is so important to let participants talk longer than I might have planned if the topic is important to them. Similarly, participants might extend a 15-minute break to 20-minutes, but usually these informal conversations and interactions contribute to their learning. Sometimes, groups like to feel they have some degree of control over what they are doing and for how long. This is freedom. But the description above does not mean participants have unilateral freedom at all moments or that they can do whatever they want whenever they want. In fact, participants appreciate boundaries and limits set by the coach or trainer. For example, if a 9 coaching client continuously talks around his or her core issues, a coach needs to be clear that getting to the point matters for the client’s own growth. Or if a 7 client is late for coaching sessions multiple times, they do need to have this called to their attention. In a training program, if the majority or participants are head center types (5, 6 and 7) and balk at discussing feelings for very long, the trainer needs to make the case and hold firm on the importance of emotional access if participants are to increase their emotional intelligence. Think about what your animals might have taught you! Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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04

Oct'17

Development | being quiet

The quieter you become, the more you can hear ~ Ram Dass How can people of each enneagram type learn to be quieter? Being quiet does not mean talking less, although it might. Being quiet more refers to quietude within. Enneagram Ones Being quite means allowing your opinions to rise and fall without being attached to them or expressing them; being quiet might mean relaxing your need to be continuously active and being more open and receptive; being quiet might mean sitting still and nourishing yourself with positive affirmations. Enneagram Twos Being quiet means pulling into yourself rather than extending your energy and your thoughts to others; being quiet might mean spending some “me” time rather than “you” time; being quiet might mean replenishing yourself by yourself through walks, music, art or whatever you love. Enneagram Threes Being quiet means being still, being in your body – not thinking so furiously – and doing what you might normally consider to be doing nothing because it is something; being still might mean trying something new simply for the fun of it whether or not you imagine you would be good at it; being quiet might mean being quiet enough to go into your heart, access what you feel and tap into what you truly want. Enneagram Fours Being quiet means breathing gently through your nose and into head, neck and heart, being still and open as you do so; being still might mean feeling OK, even good, with how things are just as they are without wanting anything to be different; being quiet might mean extending a peace calm energy that comes from deep within you at the very moment you feel like retracting or closing off. Enneagram Fives Being quiet means filling your entire body with a robust and even vitality rather than emptying yourself and feeling devoid of energy; being quiet might mean not thinking very much about anything and just enjoying the peacefulness of mind, heart and body; being quiet might mean spending time with someone you care about and enjoying the quietness together while still sensing your engagement with the other person. Enneagram Sixes Being quiet means giving your active mind a rest by breathing gently and rhythmically; being quiet might mean taking wonderful walks and simply and only enjoying nature while you are walking; being quiet might mean simply doing something for the pure fun of it. Enneagram Sevens Being quiet means slowing down how quickly you move, walk, and talk; being quiet might mean going inside and having a look around, doing so gently and with curiosity; being quiet might mean grounding yourself by feeling your feet legs, and ankles and feeling the grounding move from the ground to your feet and, then, upward. Enneagram Eights Being quiet means being in your heart, your quiet, deepest and sweetest heart; being quiet might mean allowing yourself to simply be while allowing others be the doers; being quiet might mean filling yourself energetically with a lovely, calm, and peaceful energetic. Enneagram Nines Being quiet means filling yourself from head to toe with a sift and vibrant energy; being quiet might mean gently wiggling every part of yourself in a playful and pleasurable way; being quiet might mean breathing gently into your heart area and staying there, quietly without movement. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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