February 2018

26

Feb'18

How to be a great coaching client part 2 | heart center clients 2, 3 and 4

To accelerate the positive impact of your coaching success, clients of each type can use the coaching experience and their reactions to coaching itself as a guide for their development. This 2nd blog in the three-part series offers possibilities for clients in the Heart Center of Intelligence, types 2, 3 and 4. Two clients Take the time in coaching for yourself and give yourself the gift of working on your own development, rather than focusing on how you can do more for others. This will be a huge developmental milestone for you. Allow someone else – in this case, the coach – to do something for you without your feeling that you must do something in return. When you feel you should do something to show your gratitude, express your positive feelings rather than trying to take care of the coach in some way. Know that some of the things you may discover during coaching may not match how you like to perceive yourself – in other words, your ideal self – but that recognizing the areas in which you can develop is part of the self-development process. Three clients While you may want to use coaching to increase your skills in becoming more successful, it is more likely that your real self-development will come from examining why this is so important to you. In addition, explore how you define success, working with your coach to expand your understanding of what this is. Make sure that you are open with your coach, sharing positive and negative feelings as well as successes and failures. Your tendency to not discuss your anxiety, sadness, and areas in which you do not feel confident will limit the positive results from coaching. Slow down your pace enough so that you have the time to get to know and experience your inner life more fully. Don't rely on the coaching meetings for this self-reflection; build self-refection into your daily life. Four clients When selecting a coach, you may be drawn to someone you can connect with easily. However, the best coach for helping you to grow may be someone very different from you who can likely be more objective. If you feel at times that your coach does not understand you, pause for a moment and ask yourself: Do I understand my coach and what he or she is asking or offering? This changes your focus from seeking to be understood to seeking to understand others. Remember that emotional balance is one of the most helpful areas for you to develop. As a result, it is important for you to strive for objectivity and balance as you work through various issues raised throughout the coaching. When you begin to become intensely emotional and feel that you are your emotions, ask your coach for help and guidance. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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21

Feb'18

How to be a great coaching client part 1 | head center clients 5, 6 and 7

To accelerate the positive impact of your coaching success, clients of each type can use the coaching experience and their reactions to coaching itself as a guide for their development. This 1st blog in the three-part series offers possibilities for clients in the Head Center of Intelligence, types 5, 6 and 7. Five clients Work hard to be aware of and to express your emotions during your coaching meetings. These meetings are ideal for experimenting with new behaviors. It will not feel comfortable at first, but you will get much better at it with practice. As a subtext to your coaching, consider how you may both overvalue some of your attributes and underrate the skills and talents you possess. Make this one of your coaching goals: a more realistic and objective self-image, as well as a willingness to show more of who you are to others. It may take time for you to trust your coach, but the process of building this trust can provide valuable insight into the issues you may have related to trusting others, building close relationships, and learning to need or depend on someone else. Six clients While it is important to find a coach with whom you feel comfortable discussing your worries and concerns, it is more important to find someone who is extremely practical and action oriented. This will help you to move beyond the "analysis paralysis" that can immobilize you from taking action. Try to enjoy the coaching experience; you can relax enough to do this if you set your mind to it. Tell yourself this: I can be tense later if I want. Right now, let me just experience what happens. Notice any tendencies you may have to put your fate, results, and future in the hands of the coach, and make sure you take at least 50 percent of the responsibility for the outcome. This will help you trust your own inner authority and guidance. Seven clients Keep all of your scheduled meetings; be on time or, better yet, be early. And if you are late, ask yourself what is really causing the lateness. What are you thinking, feeling or avoiding? Share this with your coach rather than offer rationales and rationalizations for why you are late. Stay with the coaching process even if you feel like ending it. Should you want to terminate the coaching relationship, discuss this with your coach before you do and be open to what you may discover. Although this may not sound pleasant, try to thoroughly discuss with the coach the experiences and situations in which you feel fearful, nervous, or sad. This line of discussion will help you to develop more strength in dealing with difficult issues and will provide a more realistic counterbalance to your usual optimism. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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15

Feb'18

More songs for each enneagram type

The first blog on songs for each enneagram type from October 2017 was so popular, here is a part 2, with a set of new songs and lyrics. When played along with the melody, they become even more amusing. One | ‘Tis the Gift to be Simple (Shaker song by Joseph Brackett) 'Tis the gift to be simple 'Tis the gift to be free 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be And when we find ourselves in the place just right It will be in the valley of love and delight   Two | People Who Need People (Barbra Streisand) People People who need people Are the luckiest people in the world, We're children, needing other children And yet letting our grown-up pride Hide all the need inside, Acting more like children Than children. Three | You’re So Vain (Carly Simon) You walked into the party Like you were walking on a yacht Your hat strategically dipped below one eye Your scarf, it was apricot You had one eye on the mirror And watched yourself gavotte And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner They'd be your partner, and You're so vain You probably think this song is about you You're so vain, I'll bet you think this song is about you Don't you? Don't you? Four | Anything for You (Gloria Estefan) Anything for you Though you're not here Since you said we're through It seems like years Time keeps dragging on and on And forever's been and gone Still I can't figure what went wrong Five | If  You could Read My Mind (Gordon Lightfoot) If you could read my mind love What a tale my thoughts could tell Just like an old time movie About a ghost from a wishing well In a castle dark or a fortress strong With chains upon my feet You know that ghost is me And I will never be set free As long as I'm a ghost you can see Six | Devoted to You (Everly Brothers) Darlin', you can count on me Till the sun dries up the sea Until then I'll always be devoted to you I'll be yours through endless time I'll adore your charms sublime Guess by now you know that I'm devoted to you I'll never hurt you, I'll never lie I'll never be untrue I'll never give you reason to cry I'd be unhappy if you were blue Seven | Happy Talk (Rodgers and Hammerstein from South Pacific) Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk Talk about things you'd like to do. You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true? Eight | If I Were King of the Forest (Arlen and Harburg from The Wizard of Oz) If I Were King Of The Forest not queen, not duke, not prince. My regal robes of the forest would be satin, not cotton, not chintz. I'd command each thing, be it fish or fowl, with a woof and a woof, and a royal growl. As I'd click my heel all the trees would kneel and the mountains bow and the bulls kowtow And the sparrows would take wing, if I were king. Nine | Watching the River Run (Loggins and Messina) If you've been thinkin' you were all that you've got Then don't feel alone anymore 'Cause when we're together then you've got a lot 'Cause I am the river and you are the shore And it goes on and on, watching the river run Further and further from things that we've done Leaving them one by one And we have just begun, watching the river run Listening and learning and yearning to run, river, run Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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05

Feb'18

Development | connectivity

You have to make space in your heart, in your mind, and in your life for authentic human connection. ~ Marianne Williamson Without human connectivity, we feel isolated, estranged and long for something more. Do we realize that there is a key factor in each Enneagram type-structure that distances people of that type from the connectivity they most desire? Enneagram One | Key factor: Control Ones like and need to feel in control of themselves – as in self-controlled – and in the situations of their lives. In close connections, however, more spontaneity is required and other people don’t like the feeling of being controlled by someone else. This gives Ones something to work on. Enneagram Two | Key factor: False independence Twos like to perceive themselves as independent people, but this is, in fact, a false perception of reality. Twos are among the most dependent of the Enneagram types; Twos, unless they engage in deep development work, depend on positive reactions of others for their self-esteem. This gives Twos something to work on. Enneagram Three | Key factor: Utilitarianism Threes are always moving forward, with eyes on the goal and a desire to stay on their path. Because of this, their relationships with others can become more utilitarian than authentic – in other words, a means to an end. Other people sense this and desire more realness and authenticity in the human connection. This gives Threes something to work on. Enneagram Four | Key factor: Expectation Fours, almost more than any other Enneagram type, seeks human connectivity. However, high and often unrealistic expectations, get in their way. Fours want and even demand deep and constant connectivity; otherwise, they get terribly bored or deeply disappointed. There is, in fact, a vast variety in the forms of connectivity. Find them! This gives Fours something to work on. Enneagram Five | Key factor: Moats with few bridges Fives, in many ways, long for human connectivity, but doing so would require them to build more bridges across the moats they have created to keep themselves separate from others. This gives Fives something to work on. Enneagram Six | Key factor: Suspicion Sixes like people and they don’t like people, both at the same time. The Six’s suspiciousness and doubt of others is the prime culprit in their connectedness with others. Human connectivity requires trust and constancy. This gives Sixes something to work on. Enneagram Seven | Key factor: Shiny objects Sevens like to engage with others, and while this may feel like connectivity in the moment, it can quickly evaporate. In particular, this occurs when Sevens reach for the next “shiny object” that captures their attention instead of staying still and connected. This gives Sevens something to work on. Enneagram Eight | Key factor: Fear Eights are an anger-type enneatype, so why the word fear? The answer is that when it comes to sustained human connectivity – think of this as a form of intimacy – Eights get scared. For example, they feel afraid of being vulnerable, afraid the other person will go away, concerned that others will find out something about the Eight and then become rejecting. This gives Eights something to work on. Enneagram Nine | Key factor: False connectivity Nines are typically good at creating rapport with others, but this is not the same as a deeper level of human connectivity. To keep rapport going, Nines disconnect from the deeper parts of themselves. To build true connectivity, they have to reach inside and experience themselves more fully. This gives Nines something to work on. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of six best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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