July 2018

17

Jul'18

Uncovering type thru lucid probing | mistaken identity for Threes

Those of us who want to identify our Enneagram types correctly, as well as those of us who guide others, have a common intention: accuracy! But too often, one phrase or statement reminds us of one of the types in particular. As a result, we end up thinking This is it! A closer examination or inquiry into such statements often reveals a type other than what we first imagined. In this series of 9 blogs, I take one statement we might easily associate with a particular type, but then use a lucid probing technique, which involves two specific questions that uncover the true meaning of the statement. It works like this. First, ask a question to explore the meaning of the statement, rather than making an inference from the statement. Second, explore the underlying drive or motivation beneath the statement. Lucid Probing 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does _____ mean to you? 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to _____ ? The Statement | “I’m extremely impatient.” This statement sounds like a type 3, but is it? Yes, Threes can be extremely impatient but so are many other types. Here’s what Threes might say, as well as a sampling of a few other types. Type 3 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I’m extremely impatient” mean to you? What a Three might say “I’m not always impatient, but I can be extremely impatient, especially when I get frustrated or dissatisfied with how something is going. I can also be extremely impatient with people when they take too long to get to the point or they waste my time in some way.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to become “extremely impatient”? What a Three might say “I just said this. I can’t stand having my time wasted. I don’t like it when things take longer than they should or when people talk on and on when they could get to the point more quickly. I also become impatient when I have work to do and something or someone wastes my time.” Yes, the answers appear to suggest this person might an Enneagram Three. However, without the inquiry of Lucid Probing – that is, if the initial statement “I’m extremely impatient” was taken at face value and it was assumed to be a Three statement – an unintentional wrong typing identification is possible. Here are some other types that might easily have made the statement “I’m extremely impatient.” The Statement | “I’m extremely impatient.” Type 1 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I’m extremely impatient” mean to you? What a One might say “I get impatient easily; perhaps irritated is a better word to describe my reactions. I get irritated and impatient with people who make mistakes without checking them and, then, either I or they have to redo them. Why not get it right the first time? I also get impatient when people put forth ideas that have no thought behind them. I also get impatient and irritated when people break the rules, like parking in a disabled park spot when the person clearly has no disability.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to be “extremely impatient.” What a One might say “I’ll have to think more about this. I think it relates to people not being respectful of other people and their time, not having high enough standards that they think good enough is good enough. I have high standards and expectations.” The Statement | “I’m extremely impatient.” Type 5 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I’m extremely impatient” mean to you? What a Five might say “It means I don’t like something and I get annoyed by it.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to be “extremely impatient.” What a Five might say “I like to work with smart people who do smart things. I become extremely impatient with people who are not logical and who take up too much time just talking but not going anywhere. I also get impatient when people talk about or demand conversations about emotions that go on way too long. What’s the point, and it’s tiring.” The Statement | “I’m extremely impatient.” Type 8 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I’m extremely impatient” mean to you? What an Eight might say “It means I want it over and done with now. With some things and people I am highly impatient; in other cases, I have a great deal of patience.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to be “extremely impatient.” What an Eight might say “I like things to happen in a big way and don’t like being inundated with details. I get impatient with this. I also don’t like being around people who don’t take their responsibilities seriously or who don’t take responsibility for their own behavior and performance.” The above three examples are simply samples. Many Enneagram types might say “I’m extremely impatient,” but their reasons would be different! Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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09

Jul'18

Uncovering type thru lucid probing | mistaken identity for Twos

Those of us who want to identify our Enneagram types correctly, as well as those of us who guide others, have a common intention: accuracy! But too often, one phrase or statement reminds us of one of the types in particular. As a result, we end up thinking This is it! A closer examination or inquiry into such statements often reveals a type other than what we first imagined. In this series of 9 blogs, I take one statement we might easily associate with a particular type, but then use a lucid probing technique, which involves two specific questions that uncover the true meaning of the statement. It works like this. First, ask a question to explore the meaning of the statement, rather than making an inference from the statement. Second, explore the underlying drive or motivation beneath the statement. Lucid Probing 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does ____ mean to you? 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to ____ ? The Statement | “I care a lot about what people think.” This statement sounds like a type 2, but is it? Yes, Twos care a lot about what people think, but so do many other types. Here’s what Twos might say, as well as a sampling of a few other types. Type 2 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “care a lot about what people think” mean to you? What a Two might say “I always care what people think, at least most of the time. I pay a lot of attention to people, what they might need, how they will respond to what I am saying or doing. I don’t care about what everyone thinks, but I do care about many, many people. I just tune into others naturally.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to “care a lot about what people think”? What a Two might say “I’ve always done this. When I do something in my personal life, I consider the impact on others and immediately notice their responses. At work, it is the same. I can tell almost intuitively how someone is or how someone will respond. How people respond to me affects me pretty instantly and often deeply.” Yes, the answers appear to suggest this person might an Enneagram Two. However, without the inquiry of Lucid Probing – that is, if the initial statement “I care a lot about what people think” was taken at face value and it was assumed to be a Two statement – an unintentional wrong typing identification is possible. Here are some other types that might easily have made the statement “I care a lot about what people think.” The Statement | “I care a lot about what people think.” Type 4 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “care a lot about what people think” mean to you? What a Four might say “I almost always care about what others think. I also care how they feel. Feelings are essential to our being human so paying attention to this in ourselves and others is essential.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to “care a lot about what people think”? What a Four might say “Doesn’t everyone care about what people think? Or, at least they should. Sometimes I care too much in the sense that I am often highly sensitive to how others are reacting to me and have a tendency to feel the negative more than the positive and to absorb a negative response.” The Statement | “I care a lot about what people think.” Type 6 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “care a lot about what people think” mean to you? What a Six might say “You have to pay attention to what other people think. I often think I know what people are thinking, but sometimes I’m not sure. I also want to know where I stand with others, and even if it’s working on a problem, more minds – especially good minds – can often arrive at a better outcome.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to “care a lot about what people think”? What a Six might say “You have to know what’s on the minds of others if you are working with them to figure out what is the best way to approach something. At home, it’s the same. Even better is if they share what they are thinking, although I’m pretty good at figuring it out.” The Statement | “I care a lot about what people think.” Type 7 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “care a lot about what people think” mean to you? What a Seven might say “Of course I care, although I can get wrapped up in my own thoughts, but I want to know what others are thinking.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to “care a lot about what people think”? What a Seven might say “If I am giving a speech or planning to do something that involves others, I definitely want to know. I am not sure how good I am at knowing, but I do try. Sometimes I can almost read other people’s minds; other times, I just can’t quite tell what they are thinking. But I do care.” The above three examples are simply samples. Many Enneagram types might say they “I care a lot about what people think,” but their reasons would be different! Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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02

Jul'18

Development | being in reality

“I think, to me, reality is better than being fake.” ~ Ice Cube We are all “fake” or false in some respects and don’t even know this, particularly when our enneatype structure distorts our reality. Here are some of the ways: Enneagram Ones | false perfection As Ones pursue perfection – at least as they understand it in daily life – they perceive that so much is not as it should be and so they must make it right. But this notion is the opposite of what true perfection is and what reality is. In other words, in reality and true perfection, what is is. It is the acceptance of this reality that is actually perfection in its finest form. Learn to accept what is. Enneagram Twos | false abundance Twos live in a false reality where resources are never-ending, people are all good ¬until they are not, and the disappointment of not living in this embellished reality of false abundance is huge. People disappoint, resources dry up, and people suffer. Learn to live in a more balanced reality: good and bad simultaneously; joy and suffering as part of a complete whole; and reverence for each resource provided and used. Enneagram Threes | false image Threes live in a world of false images – for example, their own image, other people’s images, what they should want rather than what they do want, and how they think they should act rather than how they would behave if they were more spontaneous. At the same time, many Threes crave truth and honesty, and one way of understanding this is that they thirst for what they don’t have. Learn to be more honest with yourself first and then others. Find your heart’s desire. Enneagram Fours | false connection Fours so deeply desire the deepest level of connection with themselves and others that they can mistake intensity for connection. In addition, Fours define connection as primarily emotional, rather than physical or mental, which are two additional and equally viable ways of establishing connection. With an unnecessarily narrow path to connection, no wonder Fours both crave and feel deprived of it. Find multiple ways of connecting and also learn to trust that what goes away – nothing is permanent – comes around in another form. Enneagram Fives | false scarcity Fives live in a reality of false scarcity, the idea that there is not and will not be enough to go around. With this belief in mind, Fives keep themselves in an autonomous state, rarely relying on outside resources and conserving their own energy. The belief, then, becomes a self-fulfilling reality. No wonder Fives become depleted and drained. Fives can try to change this mind-set, but that is difficult. Try a change of behavior instead, by relying on others more and asking on occasion for what is needed. Small steps lead to bigger ones. Enneagram Sixes | false complexity Sixes may not want to hear this, but the world is not nearly so complex as they might think. What if the world is simpler, yet equally – and differently – meaningful and profound. The idea is not to believe all your thoughts, just believe some of them. Which ones? Believe the ideas that are simpler but not simplistic, profound yet powerful, and self-supporting rather than self-limiting. Enneagram Sevens | false freedom Sevens want no constraints so they can feel free. They want every option available so they can feel free. They want no one to reign them in or to say no to them so they can feel free. They want to do whatever they want whenever they want so they can feel free. What if this isn’t freedom at all, but false freedom? What if freedom is the ability to choose a course and stay committed to it, out of choice and freedom? Enneagram Eights | false strength Eights know a lot about strength; it is what they rely on most. However, Eights define strength as toughness and certitude at all times, and almost never letting your guard down or showing any vulnerability, even to those with whom they are close. Real strength, however, comes from being vulnerable, working with those areas that might need development – such as hurt and grief – and allowing others to be in support. True strength is achieved through strength and vulnerability and strength through vulnerability. Try it! Enneagram Nines | false humility Nines appear humble. However, some Nines are truly humble and others are not. Their humility may actually be self-deprecation, but it can also be masked ambition or ambition thwarted. It can be personal and social power unacknowledged or unused. Nines, to avoid false humility, can step into themselves, stand tall, and speak with their deepest voice. All will hear. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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