August 2018

27

Aug'18

Uncovering type thru lucid probing mistaken identity for Fives

Those of us who want to identify our Enneagram types correctly, as well as those of us who guide others, have a common intention: accuracy! But too often, one phrase or statement reminds us of one of the types in particular. As a result, we end up thinking This is it! A closer examination or inquiry into such statements often reveals a type other than what we first imagined. In this series of 9 blogs, I take one statement we might easily associate with a particular type, but then use a lucid probing technique, which involves two specific questions that uncover the true meaning of the statement. It works like this. First, ask a question to explore the meaning of the statement, rather than making an inference from the statement. Second, explore the underlying drive or motivation beneath the statement. Lucid Probing 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does ____ mean to you? 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to _____ ? The Statement | “I don’t like demands being placed on me.” This statement sounds like a type 5, but is it? Yes, Fives intensely dislike demands being placed on them but so do several other types. Here’s what Fives might say, as well as a sampling of a few other types. Type 5 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I don’t like demands being placed on me” mean to you? What a Five might say “It can be just about anything, such as a request for lunch, someone suggesting I should volunteer for a committee that is not part of my actual job description, my partner saying I should go to a certain party.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to not “like demands being placed on me”? What a Five might say “I have to be careful about how much time and energy I give to others. When someone makes a demand of me, my guard goes up immediately. If I say yes to this, what else will they expect later. One thing leads to another easily, so I am very watchful about these things.” Yes, the answers appear to suggest this person might be an Enneagram Five. However, without the inquiry of Lucid Probing – that is, if the initial statement “I don’t like demands being placed on me” was taken at face value and it was assumed to be a Five statement – an unintentional wrong typing identification is possible. Here are some other types that might easily have made the statement “I don’t like demands being placed on me.” The Statement | “I don’t like demands being placed on me.” Type 9 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I don’t like demands being placed on me” mean to you? What a Nine might say “I don’t like it when people have a lot of demands, expectations. I don’t think people should be that way. Demands feel pushy and I don’t do that to others. If I want something from someone, I ask nicely and respectfully.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to not “like demands being placed on me”? What a Nine might say “Really, it feels like pressure to me and I do not like pressure. It makes me feel tense. And if the demands are too much, I can start to get angry. Demands feel like control.” The Statement | “I don’t like demands being placed on me.” Type 8 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I don’t like demands being placed on me” mean to you? What an Eight might say “No one really makes demands on me, but if they try, I get angry. I place a lot of demands on myself, and some say I can be demanding of others, but people don’t place demands on me very often.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to not “like demands being placed on me”? What an Eight might say “I honestly don’t think people are entitled to place demands on me except in very specific situations. Generally, I am in control of what I do, when I do and even how I do it. And I like it that way. If someone did try, I’d get angry and let them know it. Maybe it’s that I like to be in control of everything, especially me and my time.” The Statement | “I don’t like demands being placed on me.” Type 2 1st Explore the meaning of the statement What does “I don’t like demands being placed on me” mean to you? What a Two might say “I really don’t like demands at all. In fact, I bristle when that’s what I think someone is doing. What I’m thinking is ’How dare they!’ I can also start feeling guilty if the demand is something I should have seen coming and done something about, and I somehow missed it. Then I feel bad about it.” 2nd Explore the underlying motivation for the statement What causes you to not “like demands being placed on me”? What a Two might say “For me it’s pretty clear. I do so much for others and usually I want to. So why would someone place demands on me? Why not ask me instead? Why not just let me see what’s needed and see how I can support the effort.” The above three examples are simply samples. Many Enneagram types might say they “I don’t like demands being places on me,” but their reasons would be different! Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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20

Aug'18

Most common reasons for mistyping | Part 2

In the first blog of this series, the first five main reasons for mistyping were covered: insufficient knowledge of the Enneagram: misunderstood, old or incorrect concepts; focusing on what and not why; lack of self-awareness; and subtypes. This second blog reviews five additional reasons why mistyping occurs. Primary reliance on tests There are so many methods for helping people identify type, tests among them. Of course, some tests are better than other tests, but even the best tests do not identify type 100% accurately. If the person taking the test does not have a well-qualified outside source of guidance in terms of the accuracy of the test’s results, mistyping is the result. Trauma Big trauma can cover someone’s real type for so many reasons. If a person is still traumatized, their self-awareness may be low and their current behavior may not reflect their true type. In a sense, this person may be at a low-self-mastery level where it is more difficult to see type accurately. High self-mastery individuals, although they may not exhibit type in obvious ways, are usually self-aware enough, with the proper guidance, to determine their type accurately. Overlays (family, culture) Overlays can be country, culture, family, and more. At first glance, for example, a person from France, which is a type Four culture, may perceive themselves as a Four because the French culture is extremely strong. Family overlays happen enough to be a factor, although not everyone has a family type overlay. In my own family, for example, my mother was a 6 and father a 5. Our 6 mother had a far more dominant influence on the family, so both my brother and I have this overlay. He’s a 6 himself, so this overlay has intensified his 6ness. For me as a 2, the impact is I am more tuned into other people’s agendas and do engage in anticipatory scenario planning, although not as strongly or as long as a 6. In addition, my scenario thinking goes to worst-case and best-case. Teachers telling type Many Enneagram teachers tell people under their guidance what there types are, even if these teachers don’t realize they are doing so. They might say, “You’re not this type, you’re that type” and mean the statement as an opinion rather than a definitive answer. Or they may say, “Based on this and that, you're this particular type.” People who want to discover their type often look to teachers to tell them or confirm their type, and often hear a teacher’s suggestion as a statement of fact. In addition, some Enneagram teachers think it is their job and role to tell people their type. These teachers do believe they are accurate in their assessments. The problem is that they can be wrong, but they may tell people in such an authoritative way that people under their guidance may look no further. Teachers not guiding to clarification of type Some Enneagram teachers believe it is absolutely wrong to give any indication of a person’s type, even when people have come to them for guidance. While self-exploration is admirable and guiding people in this direction can be an art form, it can also leave individuals incorrectly typed or not finding their type for a very long time, longer than is really necessary. Some say, “If they get their type wrong, it’s Ok because they’ll figure it out eventually.” The issue here is this: is it really OK to let people think they are a type they are not, engage in the related development work, and then find that they’ve made little progress because their type is incorrectly identified? Summary The issue of how much to tell and how much to guide is important to everyone who is in a position to support others in using the Enneagram in their lives. Too much telling, and types can be wrong and the self-exploration is diminished. Too little guidance is like wandering in the desert without water, when the watering hole is just within reach. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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13

Aug'18

Most common reasons for mistyping | Part 1

The Enneagram is more than a personality system. In fact, it isn’t really a personality system because personality refers to behaviors and traits that are persistent and measurable. Enneagram type is far more than behavior and traits. Enneagram type includes many other factors such as drives and motivation, patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving and more. If the nine types were personality, these measurable behaviors and traits would also need to be unique to each type. And they are not! Several types exhibit very similar behaviors and traits, but for different reasons. The nine types actually represent nine distinct aspects of the human ego. Getting your type ‘right’ is essential given that deep psychological and spiritual development is directly connected to type. From my experience training professionals who work with the Enneagram, here are five of the 10 key reasons people get their types wrong. Insufficient knowledge of the Enneagram People who are trying to self-type or people trying to type others simply do not have the knowledge base and skills to do this effectively. The Enneagram is not a simple system, it is a dynamic one with multiple layers. Misunderstood, old or incorrect concepts Some people have typed themselves or been typed decades ago when many aspects of the modern usage of Enneagram were not fully uncovered, not that we aren’t still learning more about the types and the system. Or perhaps someone learned the Enneagram recently, but was using an older book or learning from someone who had learned it long ago, perhaps incompletely. Focusing on what and not why For newcomers, this is the biggest issue related to mis-identification of type. People focus on specific behaviors – for example, “Which type works hard?” or “Which type cares about what people think of them?” These questions fall into the category of what, and what will never get to accurate typing. The key thing that matters is the why behind the what. Why does a person work hard or why do they care what others think. Lack of self-awareness If a person is not very self-aware, it is very difficult for them to answer questions accurately about themselves. Their self-inquiry is stunted and limited, making accurate typing challenging. Subtypes While subtypes – the three versions of each type based on the catalytic intersection of the most activated basic instinct and the type’s passion – are not new to the Enneagram, we are learning more and more about them. Many of the subtypes can be easily confused with another type, so without sufficient subtype knowledge, mistyping occurs. The second part of this blog covers the remaining five reasons for mistyping. Primary reliance on tests Trauma Overlays (family, culture) Teachers telling type Teachers not guiding Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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06

Aug'18

Development | be wild and wacky

“Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way.” ~ William James Enneagram Ones Do something spontaneous and do it where others can see you. And you can’t plan being spontaneous. Go somewhere and just be spontaneous. How’s that? Enneagram Twos Cook a really good meal just for yourself. And if you don’t cook, though many twos like to cook, order yourself a simply delicious take-out meal, just for you. Order what you want, without regard to anyone else. Enneagram Threes Let yourself look sloppy for 1 full day and go somewhere where others can see you. Do you dare to do this? This doesn’t mean looking casual; it means sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. Find the pleasure in this. Enneagram Fours Breathe into your toes. Breath into your whole body instead of breathing primarily into your chest area as Fours normally do. When you get to your toes, wiggle them and laugh! Enneagram Fives Let someone give you a hug. Even better, ask someone for a hug. Be in your heart when you ask; be in your body when you receive. Enneagram Sixes Sing yourself a happy song inside your head. Any song will do; keep singing it repeatedly over the day. Let yourself have fun being silly. Enneagram Sevens Can you talk without using your hands? This is a big challenge for the normally animated Sevens. Can you do it? Hmmmm. What happens? Enneagram Eights Be a child for a day. Do fun things. Many Eights feel they’ve always had to be a grown-up. Take a day to be a child in the best sense of the word. Take along a “playmate” if you like. Or do it by yourself. Enneagram Nines Scream in a safe place. Find a safe place and practice some screaming, for example, when driving in a car near a fire truck or police car that has a siren on. Roll up the windows and enjoy the scream. Laugh about it. Ginger Lapid-Bogda PhD, the author of seven best-selling Enneagram-business books, is a speaker, consultant, trainer, and coach. She provides certification programs for professionals around the world who want to bring the Enneagram into organizations with high-impact business applications, and is past-president of the International Enneagram Association. Visit her website: TheEnneagramInBusiness.com. ginger@theenneagraminbusiness.com

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